I was born in may 1976 in San Jose California at San Jose Hospital. That hospital no longer exists. My birth certificate listed me with my mothers last name. My fathers name was there, his place of birth was "Lebanon". I never heard that word till I was 10 years old. My mother raised me believing that my abuser was my father. I'm 100% against a child calling a man who isn't their father...daddy. It's wrong, it's a lie. To some it seems an innocent lie. But its one of the most dangerous mistakes a woman can make. Or a man. I will eventually touch on the stigma, of childhood sexual abuse being a something that only happens to girls. It happens to boys as well. I've been part of adult AMAC therapy groups , where the gender in attendance was equal...and so were the abusers gender. They were 50% male 50% female. The stories......devastating.
....getting back on track- It happens far to often. Parents giving strangers full private access to their children. Everyone thinks they are invincible. They think this cannot touch them. That they would never bring someone into their child's life, that will hurt them. Sadly, it happens everyday. We see it on the news ever night. We read it on Facebook everyday. Children being raped by a boyfriend or girlfriend. Children being murdered to cover up sexual abuse.
The sentences.....pathetic. Children have no chance against adults. Adults have all the support, all the money, they get the lawyer they can afford. The victim gets a public defender. Imagine a child in a court room. A young inexperienced child. No one wants to put her on the stand, because she's scared, its making her sick. But how easy does the pedophiles lawyer rip through a school age child's issue's on the playground. Smear these children out to be harlots....its amazing. When I think back to the police interrogation about my accusations. It was scary . I had to show up to the san Jose police station. They said that if I did that they wouldn't take me into child custody. I stayed with family for a while...but they bounced me around. Yeah I was alone in a police interrogation room. Answering questions.....looking back, my stepfathers nephew worked for San Jose Police Department....I wonder if that had anything to do with it. And the story my abuser came up with.....wow. I had to defend myself from all these accusations about myself. I'll have to get my hands on that police report, so that I can share it in full here.
Parents...are you reading what I'm writing here? Do not allow your child to suffer all the things I'm sharing with you all! Dont raise a child...that has to tell the world...how miserable their childhood was. Dont be that parent! PLEASE! When you make choices that lead to a life, you need grow the hell up and stop being selfish. If you dont feel compelled to love this child. Give it to a family who cannot have a child of their own. The helpless child...is more important than you. And if you dont agree. Take the child to social services, then get yourself fixed! If you know adult who are LAZY Parents, tell them the truth! It is not acceptable to walk away, when something wrong is happening. Im not asking to interfere...but far to often, things are said or done in public, that is highly creepy....Say something. I promise you...I was waiting for someone to speak up for me when I was a child. Sometimes I even created situations...and was usually shamed by those whos attention I was seeking. Children aren't just bad. They dont just create lies...unless they learn to lie, they dont get bratty and aggressive, unless they have some type of social or medical disorder or are spoiled brats. Anything outside of that...is something deeper. Not always sexual abuse...but some type of abuse....emotional, mental, guilt, witnessing drug abuse, parents separation. Children are very resilient, they should carry stress. If they are, the parents aren't doing their job properly, and somethings slipping through the cracks.
When I was a baby, my mothers lover Agnes was living with us. My father even knew about her. She wrote in my baby book. Told me that she, and my sister Jessica were leaving. Jessica was Agnes's daughter. These stories make me feel grateful that I made it out with only PTSD. I had no chance at a normal childhood. Maybe my mother was gay? Maybe if she stayed with Agnes I wouldn't of been abused? Who knows? Did all these bad things happen to her because, she wasn't living in the truth? I know bad, brings more bad.
My mother met my abuser soon after, he was her best friends new boyfriend. Thatshould of been the first red flag. They were married within a year. I was almost 2 when they married. First he lived with us. I remember the small 1 bedroom we lived in. I wasn't even 2 years old. I can draw the layout of the home and the furniture. Its still so fresh in my mind. Then we moved to Eastwood Ct.
If you want to know more about me
https://www.facebook.com/beyrout
https://www.youtube.com/user/angelicnader/
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