I wish I had someone older than me...Like a parent figure. Someone who'll listen to me, and just tell me positive things, like a mother would.

I'm in a really bad place right now.  I had a endoscopy recently, that I thought went well...But apparently didn't.
I have chronic gastritis and a tumor in my small intestine.  My appointment for the results are on the 21st.
They also made me an appointment for an abdominal ultrasound on the 14th...so we'll see.

So I sent my mother a message ...bcz I'm weak. And when one feels sick, they think of their parents.
It wasn't a nice message. It was a follow up to my December message,  that she never replied to.

Here it is.....
You haven't called anyone to tell them the truth.  You don't care about my closure.
River told me , I should expected it. He reminded me, how you abandoned us, when he was baby and lived in a shelter.
Thinking back, I was so messed up because of my childhood. You don't want to do the hard work of parenting....so you get rid of me. I don't believe I allowed you back into my life after that.
The only reason I'm messaging is to tell you, that I've lost all love for you.
In my last message, I told you I was having ulcer issues. Well I've been in and out of hospitals. And I'm currently with severe gastritis,  and a tumor in my small intestines... Things are pretty bad for me. The only thing keeping me going, is that my son is returning home with his wife and my soon to be born grandchild. I'm praying things turn around, but if they dont....I take comfort in knowing that I was never wrong.  Looking back,  you were what was wrong. You were a lazy parent.
My son has promised me, that that no matter how my health is, you'll never have access to me or my family again.

You might think I'm mean for sending this. But I m human. And it's just beyond me. ..how a mother like you exists.
I care more about son, Th an myself. If he asked me, to tell the truth, or never hear from him...I'd of done that.  But you...I don't know what type of creature you are.
You should of been in prison for child neglect.

Instead I'm in prison. In prison with the truth, and with the fact that my own flesh and blood refuses to do the right thing.

.......
Seriously though...please pray for me. I'm a emotional mess.
I have to many things to do in this life. I'll fight and stand up for what's right. I just want my health back.